Hello lovelies, and welcome back! As you may or may not already know, Taylor and I are conveniently located in Atlanta, Georgia, the sweaty armpit of America known as the Dirty South. Now, I’m not entirely sure the exact origins of that name, but some might say that it has to do with red clay, dirt roads, and the very distinct sound and soul of southern hip hop. If I had to hazard a guess, though, I might also add to that the fact that it’s hot as BALLS down here and the only way to ever feel clean is to 1) never leave your house between the months of May and September, or 2) take at least 4 showers a day. So, on that note, I’d like to present to you, dear readers, a little tip straight from the land of 100% humidity and perpetual swamp crotch: bathing suits are basically sweat-absorbent body suits that you don’t have to wear a bra with.
I KNOW. Mind blown, right?? So, here’s the thing. Yes, you can wear a bathing suit as a shirt because it is a shirt. Not only is it a shirt, but it’s a shirt and then some. It’s a shirt that has built in boob padding. It’s a shirt that has built in underwear. It’s a shirt that will not turn translucent if you serendipitously get caught in the rain and just so happen to like that sort of thing in addition to piña coladas. It’s a shirt that will gracefully wick away the 12 gallons of sweat that your body produces within exactly 3 minutes of being outside on any given afternoon in August. I mean, damn you guys, why do we even bother wearing anything besides bathing suits as shirts, honestly?
I mean, look at how cute this ensemble is…
I know you can see yourself going to brunch in that. Don’t lie.
And just look at this “casual afternoon patio drinks with your boo” get up…
You want to wear that. I want to wear that. We all want to wear that.
And this one is screaming to be worn to some kind of outdoor festival where you fear that everyone is younger and cooler than you, but unbeknownst to you they are all admiring your bold decision to wear a bathing suit as a shirt. “That’s a woman I want to know” they all think, while you think to yourself “OK, do I take the whole suit off in the port-o-potty to pee, or do I go with the risky, yet less exposed, pull-to-the-side maneuver…”
I’d pull to the side, just saying.
In addition to these three fantasy outfits, I did actually do some real work for this post and put together some outfits using a bathing suit that I already own. I’d also like to pause and take this opportunity to shamelessly gush over this bathing suit for a moment. It is the Bathing Beauty from ModCloth in black, and I will go to my grave singing its praises. It is honestly the best bathing suit I’ve ever owned, and I cannot recommend it enough to anyone and everyone who will listen. It will make you feel so sexy. But don’t take my word for it, just go to their site and read the 4000+ reviews and then purchase it and never look back.
Ok, now that that’s out of the way, here are a few outfits that I put together with my beloved Bathing Beauty.
First up, a nice night out on the town and a little #allblackeverything for summer?
Next up, I dunno, going to brunch again? I like food…
And last but not least, a little Sandy in the final scene of Grease action for you guys (minus the leather jacket, because heat):
Well, we hope that these looks have inspired you to view your bathing costumes in a whole new light, and to you, Swamp Crotch Summer, we say bring it on. We are prepared for you. You may win the war and kill us all with your Global Warming Chinese conspiracy, but you will not win the summer of 2017 battle, and we’re only focused on short-term wins here, so I guess that’s something.
And to everyone else, go get yourselves some bathing suits and wear them as shirts, y’all. Life is short and way too fucking hot.
That’s all for us this week; we’ll C U Next Tuesday!